Empty Driveway

“How many times have I stood in open doorways as children left for school, asking the angels to fly alongside and bring them home to me?  Thousands it seems. 

Just now, Cary pulled away.  Today is the last day she will ever leave our home to drive to school and all too soon, the driveway will remain empty.   Angels…fly alongside this mother and give her the strength she needs to face a childless home. “

I don’t even have to wonder what this passage in my family ledger will mean to me in the years to come. Reading it again this morning, I know it will always remain as raw as the day I wrote it – only 17 days ago. 

This isn’t the first time a child has left our home for college.  Two before her have done the same.  But somehow, facing their empty rooms was easier knowing that I still had a child at home. 

Don’t get me wrong, I want to for her room to be empty.  It means that plans are in place and she is following her dreams.  One night at bedtime when Cary was just shy of age 4 she said, “Oh my gosh, I forgot to save the world!” And the memory is still as raw as the day I wrote it in our family ledger on September 9, 2003. 

Only yesterday, I was in the springtime of children at home.  It was a chaotic, beautiful mess.  And in the blink of an eye…empty rooms, and an empty driveway.  How does a mother handle this void?  I know the answer even as I type the question mark.  In the same way she handled the springtime – sometimes unsure of herself and oftentimes afraid, but drawing on her inner well of strength that was given to her by her own mother.  And gratitude.  Always gratitude.

This is Cary.  She is taking her light into the world and I am completely panicked and pleasantly happy all at the same time.  And, I’ll always be in the doorway.  

~Hydie